You come in the silence, Nuit,
when space is left open for your infinite emptiness.
And so it is that speech, and deeds, and any seeking,
won’t find you,
but only waiting.
I sit here and wait,
with openness, with longing,
but no expectation.
Though all else is empty the longing remains.
I hope you will not begrudge me that
and will still bring me to see you.
Your stars are laughing at me trying to know you.
Seeming so small,
your stars still blind me.
But they’re nothing compared to the overwhelming glory
of the Void.
Don’t let Her fool you –
it’s not just the stars that are shining.
resting in Void:
I am wadded-up Nothing,
which She rolled together from Her Emptiness.
The Emptiness inside me
is filled with Hers.
Leaping into your Void
I know you will catch me in your empty arms
or I will fall forever in your all-filling body.
Are you “everlasting to eternity?”
For in you there is no Time
so its not ending has no meaning.
Are you infinite in extension?
For you are all Space
so there is nowhere for you to expand into.
Time and Space dissolve before you.
With no beginning and no end,
You are not marked out, so do not exist,
You without whom nothing is.
Perhaps the blackness is my own,
too overwhelmed by you to see.
Your black as bright as your stars.
I empty myself for you to fill
and find emptiness,
wrapped around me like a blanket,
your non-substantial arms.
You arrive at my evening dinner party
in a little black dress
with real diamonds.
The stars are the beads
in the necklace
wrapped around your lovely neck
of your lovely body
Night is a good time
to think thoughts like stars scattered
through your ebony sky.
Idly twirling your fingers
you churn galaxies from non-space,
cotton-candy from non-existent sugar,
which you throw around the universe
just because you think that looks pretty.
With a smile you open the hand you’ve held out to me,
and out springs a universe of stars to fill space already full.
With stars for tinsel,
string by string, each carefully placed,
or thrown in handfuls,
you decorate the dark with your stars,
You, their Queen.
Your net woven from threads spun from nothingness traps and holds me tight,
a star in your all-pervading body.
If you are everywhere, Queen of Night,
where do you find room to dance in?
But how beautifully you do!
Your stars shine that much more from the dark between
and so my life.
Why do I long so much for you,
Because of your stars.
Multiply your stars by thousands and they still wouldn’t fill the black.
But oh, they shine!
Trapped between shining and darkness,
I only wonder.
Stars beyond counting, each burning, piercing.
Emptiness with nothing to grasp, nowhere to stand.
Either one excruciating to encounter,
you force both on me.
Cruel, or loving?
Frantically, these thoughts, how they make me write!
Writer’s block would feel good about now.
But your idea of kindness is not always mine.
And after all, it was I who opened the door for the blinding light of your stars to pour through!
A star which burns in my mind
forces me to write these words to you,
each one that star’s ray, shining in the void around,
the emptiness filled by the innumerable rays
of the infinite stars in your body.
Looking at your stars, Nuit, I ask:
“Reassure me, Star Mother,
that there will be an end to my seeking,
that I will know you at last.”
Each twinkle of them is a note,
singing a song in my soul of you saying:
“I am Infinite, Eternal,
How can the finite and time-bound know me?
The Changing, I will be changed before you can know.
The Unchanging, you will be changed before you can know.
But I thought you know this going in."
And I have to admit that I did,
and that if she could be known she would not be worth knowing.
I sometimes think the word “awe” was invented just for you,
Goddess who shines in the darkness.
The empty throne that waits for you
will be empty still when you sit down.
Lying on my back, staring at your stars,
I try without success to run from the thought that they are so close
I could pluck some from their heights,
and roll them around in my hand as if they were unset jewels.
But I know they are unimaginably far
and that if I could grasp one I would be burnt to ash
and swept away by the stellar wind.
But then I would be one of your jewels.
Even though everything is yours
I have nothing to ask you for:
you have given it all away.
I have nothing to give you
and you give me Nothing in return.
Replace my nothingness with yours,
that shines star-bright.
Emptiness filled to the brim with Void,
offered to me from your scented hands,
Lady of Stars.
When the crush of your light dies away
the emptiness it leaves behind
is still you.
Just so long as I can see your lovely face.
Every ray of every star pierces right through me until all I am is your light,
Lady of Dark Emptiness.
I didn’t think it was possible to fall up.
But I find myself falling into your body,
Queen of the Stars.
I almost bought an image of you,
but who can buy a night sky,
painted with stars?
Drunk in ecstasy
from your sweet-scented body
The black night sky --
all the better to see your stars!
Scattered though the dark
your stars shine all that more.
We are beings in the Nothing that is Her body,
decorations pinned on the Emptiness,
outlining the Formless.
Without Her stars
she is Nothing.
Her beauty cannot be hidden:
it must bust out in points of light
that twinkle and dance
and join together the unseen points in the blackness
to outline Her body.